


Good Enough

by thoughtsappear



Category: The Magicians (TV)
Genre: Canon Temporary Character Death, Depression, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, taking care of your friends
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-01
Updated: 2019-08-01
Packaged: 2020-07-28 19:00:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,097
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20068969
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thoughtsappear/pseuds/thoughtsappear
Summary: Julia does her best to help Kady during a tough time. There are waffles, good coffee, and Margo's special bath oils.





	Good Enough

**Author's Note:**

  * For [sultrybutdamaged](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sultrybutdamaged/gifts).

Kady had been asleep since 11. Julia had woken up when the sun rose, struggled to get out of bed, and then finally pulled it together sometime an hour later. The only person she knew that was harder to wake up was Quentin. She smiled a little, thinking about him, as she usually did. The loss of magic had hit everyone hard, but Quentin had been one of the people who took it the hardest. Magic had meant so much to him, and he had felt guilty in his part of getting it taken away. The quest for the keys had reignited his excitement, and he always did his best when he had a purpose or a goal. She worried about him less. She would always worry about him.

But now, she was the most worried about Kady. Kady had been trying so hard all week to figure out what to do about Penny’s body. She’d agonized for ages about whether she should burn his body or not. But she returned that night, smelling like the ocean and her mascara all cried off. She’d said nothing else, and she’d stomped to her room. Julia wasn’t too concerned as she’d already checked the room for any leftovers while she was gone. But still, she wondered about Kady’s well being. Alice had come in behind her and explained that Kady had burned the body, but it wasn’t something she had chosen to do. The candle had tipped over, which they all thought was a little odd since there was hardly a breeze. Regardless, the decision was done, and now Penny would go to the Underworld. 

Julia remembered her time in the Underworld. The way it felt artificial, the way everyone there seemed robotic and insincere. She wondered where Penny would go. Would he go to a bowling alley? Then she laughed, the idea of Penny bowling seemed insane. 

But how much did she know about Penny? All she knew where the few tidbits she’d plucked from Kady during their time together. Maybe Penny loved bowling. Although she wasn’t sure Penny loved anything or anyone. 

Well, okay, she amended. He loved Kady, that had seemed obvious. She had a feeling that he loved Quentin in some weird way where they had to pretend to hate each other in order to keep up certain appearances. So maybe Penny had some soft spots, some layers. The best people always did.

Julia crept into the kitchen and decided to make Kady something to eat. She wasn’t the best cook, but she knew how to read a recipe. She’d find something easy, like french toast, in one of the random books in the physical kids cottage kitchen. She found one jammed in a corner with some off smelling flour and realized that it wasn’t a cookbook in the traditional sense. It was a magic book full of cooking spells. Julia paused before flipping to a page with a recipe for waffles. She was still iffy about using her magic, especially for mundane things, when she didn’t know if it would last much longer. 

But then, she reasoned, her magic wouldn’t be exhausted with a simple breakfast spell. Kady would probably thank her in the long run, since to make food by scratch Julia’d have to go to the store, buy eggs, buy bread, make coffee. The idea of it all exhausted her. All she needed for this was a plate and a few Japanese incantations. 

It only took one try, but there she had it, a plate full of hearty waffles and a cup of coffee. It might even taste good. She maneuvered it onto a tray and balanced it as she walked up the stairs. Magic was like a third hand. She realized how easy it was to call on it when a tray slipped or when she caught her toe in the rug. She’d never been clumsy but now she found herself abusing the little things. 

She stopped in front of Kady’s room and knocked on the door. She wasn’t sure what she expected. Would Kady yell and scream at her to leave? Would she take the food and slam the door in her face? Would she refuse to open the door? Julia was hoping she wouldn’t have to break down her door for the second time. 

Julia waited a minute, listening for any signs of life on the other side. She steadied the items on her tray before knocking a second time. This time she heard a distinct thump and what sounded like Kady’s bed creaking. The noises grew closer to the door and Julia stepped back in anticipation as Kady flung the door open.

“What?” she asked. She was dressed in the same clothes from last night and her curly hair was an unkempt mass around her face. She smelled like unwashed sheets and the sour tang of morning breath.

“I made you breakfast,” Julia said, holding the tray toward her. Kady studied the items on it, like they might hold some secret clue to a greater purpose. 

“It’s just food,” Julia added. Kady still seemed to be weighing the decision of whether or not to accept the tray. Julia decided to do what she did best, and she slipped in beside Kady and brought the tray into the room. She found herself reaching down to pick up Kady’s dirty clothes, food wrappers, and all the debris that littered the floor. Kady seemed content to watch, and she sat down hard on the bed, folding one leg beneath herself.

Then she took a drink of coffee, pausing to stare into the cup mid swallow. “Who made this?”

“Me.” Julia had a huge pile of Kady’s clothes in her arms and nowhere to put them. Kady didn’t seem like she’d done laundry in like, ever?

“There’s a laundry bag in the closet,” Kady said, answering the question Julia hadn’t yet asked. 

“Is there something wrong with the coffee?” Julia opened the closet, flinching as a couple pairs of boots nearly hit her in the face. The closet was almost worse than the floor. 

“No, that’s the problem. Usually Quentin makes coffee and it tastes like ass.”

Julia tried not to take too much pleasure in that, knowing that she did have a leg up on his coffee brewing ability. But then, she also knew that Quentin had never been able to make good coffee, even in high school. Before magic. 

Julia did her best to shove Kady’s clothes into a green bag with the words “laundry day” screen printed on the side. To her knowledge it had never been used. 

Kady was eating a waffle without utensils, nibbling on it between her hands like a squirrel. “You forgot syrup.”

“Shit.” Julia wasn’t aware of anything outside the careful balancing act she was currently occupied with. She was trying to get all the items back into the closet without anything falling out but the door was not cooperating. 

“Just give it a good shove,” Kady said. 

Julia reached for that little extra help and shoved the door shut, then she dragged the bag of laundry and threw it over her shoulder, stumbling with the added weight. 

“I’ll throw these in,” she said. 

“Does the cottage even have a washer?” Kady asked. 

“Yeah,” Julia said. “You don’t think they did everything here with magic did you?”

“They didn’t?”

Julia struggled to remain standing straight as the large bag kept bearing down on her left side. In lieu of answering, she just dragged the bag of clothes downstairs to where the communal washing machine was stored. As she threw Kady’s clothes into the wash and measured out detergent, she was brought back to the times she’d done this for James and then when she’d done this for Quentin. In fact, the whole set up, bringing someone breakfast, picking up their dirty laundry and then coercing them into a shower, that was her standard operating procedure when Quentin’s depression took hold and wouldn’t let go. 

Was it self care if someone else was trying to get you to do it? Julia didn’t let herself think about it too long and shut the washer door with a loud bang. Then she returned to Kady’s room. Kady hadn’t moved, and was still nibbling at the waffle. She’d drank the coffee and the cup sat abandoned on her nightstand. Julia fought the urge to clean it all up and sat down on the foot of the bed. 

“How are you?”

“How am I?” Kady rolled her eyes and put down the waffle. “I see what you’re doing Julia, and it’s not gonna ‘fix’ me.”

“I’m not trying to fix you,” Julia said. “I’m just trying to make the next day a little more bearable for you, and the people who live in this very small cottage.”

Kady just dug her toe into the carpet and kept her head down. “I don’t need you to feed me, or clean my room...I have a mom, oh wait, she’s dead. Just like everyone in my life that I ever gave a damn about!”

Julia had expected this sort of reaction and so she didn’t flinch when Kady shoved the breakfast tray off the bed. It hit the ground with a clunk and Kady shoved the blankets aside and kicked her legs down to the end. She then buried her head under the pillow.

“Does that make you feel better?” Julia asked after Kady had laid there for a moment or two, breathing heavy and rustling the bed with all of her twitches and jerks. 

Julia steeled herself for another outburst. But instead Kady rolled to her back and stayed there, blankets pulled up to her chin and stared at a blank space somewhere above Julia’s head. 

“I would feel better if you weren't pretending all I need is to do laundry and eat something. Don’t treat me like Quentin.”

Julia wrinkled her nose and let out a sigh. “You need to eat something. Don’t get mad at me for trying to take care of you. Despite what you believe not everyone who cares about you is dead.”

Kady frowned and Julia saw one of the hands holding up the blanket twitch. “So what do we do? I eat some waffles and cry and then you tell me about all the people you’ve lost and we somehow bond?”

Julia just laid down on her side and curled around Kady. “Yeah. I mean, you were there for me when I lost my shade and everything that went with it. So maybe you didn’t make me breakfast and do my laundry, but you took care of me. And that’s all I’m trying to do, Kady, just show you that you’re my friend and I want you to let me do the stuff like pick up your floor and make you something to eat because I can’t take away your pain or make you feel better. This is what I can do.”

Kady lowered the blanket a little but kept it up over her chest. Julia could see the tension in her jawline and her neck, as if she was clenching her teeth, and maybe she was. Kady had been there for her when almost no one else had, and she had done Julia so many favors. Julia knew that they’d hurt each other in many ways as well, and she supposed they would continue to do so. But she couldn’t sit by and watch her friend hurting. She had to try. 

She knew that Kady needed something from her. Maybe she’d never understand what Penny meant to Kady. Maybe she’d never understand what losing your mom was like. But she wanted to make sure Kady realized she was ready to listen. 

“Why don’t you go take a shower?” Julia suggested. “I’ll get you some clean towels from Margo’s room, she’s not using them. And then we can do whatever you want to do.”

Kady stared at her like she couldn’t believe what she was saying. She sat up higher in bed. “I don’t know what I want to do. I don’t know if I want to sleep forever or get high or go punch someone in their face.”

“Or all of the above?”Julia said, feeling Kady’s giggle shake her sides. It was small, it was involuntary, but it was enough to make Julia feel a little better about things.

“I guess I can start with a shower?” Kady started to peel off the hooded sweatshirt she was wearing and glancing at Julia, dropped it on a chair instead of throwing it on the floor like she must have wanted to. 

Julia waited until she was across the hall in the bathroom before slipping into Margo’s room to grab the towels, and while she was at it, some of Margo’s fancier bath and shower supplies. Margo’s skincare routine was legendary, and her bath gels and oils known well throughout Brakebills. It wasn’t anything Julia was familiar with, but when she pulled the cork it smelled like ginger and honey, and she thought it seemed like something Kady would like. 

When she heard the shower start, she rapped hard on the door until Kady hollered at her, and she set the towels down on the closed toilet lid, then put the shower gel on the edge of the tub where Kady could reach it. Over the running water, she could almost hear Kady say something, a faint thank you.

Julia tidied up what she could in Kady’s room, and thought about changing the bed before giving up on that idea and simply pulling up the rumpled covers and trying to smooth them out. She was in the middle of shelving books when Kady returned, wrapped in a towel, using a second one to scrunch up her hair. 

“That was actually kind of nice,” Kady admitted, going to a dresser and pulling out clothes.

“Do you want something else?” Julia indicated the neglected breakfast.

“You tried,” Kady said. “I don’t really eat breakfast food for breakfast though. Like, I’m always eating last night’s pizza or leftovers or some kind of vending machine hodgepodge.”

“There’s almost nothing in the kitchen,” Julia told her, as Kady continued trying to get more water out of her hair. “I had to use a cookbook for that.”

Kady must have caught her meaning, because her mouth quirked and she did a sideways glance at the discarded food.

“I’ll get you another cup of coffee,” Julia said, taking the cups and plates and leaving Kady to finish getting dressed. 

While downstairs, she checked on Kady’s laundry and made herself a cup as well, figuring she’d earned the treat. 

When she returned, the mugs hot but not burning her hand like they usually did, Kady was sitting on her bed, dressed in a white tank top over a black bra and sweatpants. Not exactly her best look, but who was Julia to judge?

She handed Kady the second cup, and Kady leaned back against her headboard and stared at the ceiling.

Julia took a spot beside her, kicking off her slippers and resting the mug in her lap. And then after a few sips of coffee, Kady closed her eyes and pulled her knees up to her chest, hugging herself.

And then she began to talk. She was torn up over the decision about Penny’s body, and wondered if burning it was what he would have wanted. Julia understood Kady’s angst about his death; she’d seen how hard Kady had fought to save him. Kady’s determination was one of the things Julia admired so much. It was one of the things Julia looked for in her friends, someone as determined and willing as her.

Kady’s tone changed from guilt, then to fear, and then sadness. Her emotions were cycling with every word, and the pain was clear in her voice. Julia rolled with the changes. Julia listened, coffee long forgotten, and she reached out a hand to pat Kady’s forearm, just enough to remind Kady of her presence. 

Julia learned more about Kady right there then she had in the entire time they’d known each other. There had never been time to talk about anything but the next spell, or the next step in their plan, but now everything felt like it was at a standstill. The world was turning outside but in this safe room, only the two of them existed. Two young women a little broken, but still good. Not witches or bitches, not best friends but exactly who they needed to be for each other. Even though she’d only just stolen the latest key, everything regarding the key quest felt unimportant. 

Kady stopped talking and she rubbed at her eyes. “I feel like I could sleep for a thousand years and never feel awake again.”

“Do you want to take a nap?” Julia asked.

“Not really,” Kady said. The silence between them stretched thin until Julia felt she had to say what was on her mind all along. 

“We need to talk about what happened,” Julia said softly. “If I hadn’t had magic, you’d be dead now.”

Kady’s hair hung in her face. “I know, I know, I just usually I don’t make that kind of mistake.”

Kady didn’t say anything for a moment, but she ran her fingernail across the light striped pattern of the bedspread. Julia thought she might launch into another story about Penny but instead, she started to cry. 

“Julia, I think I need help.”

Julia’s heart broke into a hundred little pieces but she reached over and took Kady’s hand and squeezed it until she felt Kady squeeze back. The well of magic within her chest throbbed and she wished she could give some of it away. 

==

Julia returned to the cottage to see Quentin sitting at the table, staring at the truth key. Ever since Julia had stolen it, she’d been a little wary of it. She was afraid what it might show her now, that maybe she should have tried harder to help Kady, that everything was wrong. 

“Is Kady gonna be okay?” Quentin asked. 

Julia shrugged her shoulders. “We couldn’t find a rehab that could take her on such short notice and for so little money, so she went to the state hospital just to get her head on straight.”

Quentin nodded, then reached over and put an arm around her shoulders for a moment. She leaned into the touch.

“You’re a good friend,” he said.

Julia hoped he was right. 

**Author's Note:**

> Written to support Jason Ralph's Covenant House International Sleep Out Fundraiser. Check out @Drabbles4Jason on Twitter to see how you can get one of your own!
> 
> Thanks to EmTee for the generous donation and Eliza for the quick beta!
> 
> title from the Sarah McLachlan song of the same name.


End file.
